Raising fantastic helpers

Raising children with a fantastic work ethic and an equally fantastic attitude towards work isn't tricky or complicated, but it is work.

Mrs W and I have 3 children with #4 on the way. 

One compliment that we receive time and time again is how helpful our children are. I don't say this to brag, but there are fewer nicer compliments than those of your children.

We often get asked about what we do with our family in this regard, often by young folk starting their families, so here are my thoughts on the subject.

No amount of tactics, strategies, charts, books and conversations with your spouse will be able to replace the single biggest influence of your child developing a work ethic - you demonstrating one.

Children will mimic your behaviour, but having a great work ethic is just 1 piece of the puzzle. 

There are other simple actions that you can deploy to give your child the best shot at developing a great work ethic and work attitude from a very young age, which really is a gift.

Without you being able to demonstrate the ability for them to emulate, you're leaving this part of their character up to external forces to shape.

If you're lazy this might be for the best.

We have found the following actions rewarding to help develop your child into a diligent, thorough and happy worker.

1- Lead by example

Simply put, if you're a couch potato who hates your day job and has similar attitudes to chores around the house, your children will know. Eventually that attitude will take root and they will likely hold similar views.

My wife and I are blessed that we love the work that we do and we don't have to work hard to display this for our family, as it's genuine. 

Sure, not every job is a delight. As your children get older you can rationalise with them that some certain tasks might not be the best fun, but everything plays a role in the bigger picture. For our kids this has been a concept that they take on board easily around 5.

2- Show a positive attitude towards work

(Yes, even the tasks you don't like)

My Grandpa has always remarked that "A man's work is child's play". 

Think about the games that your children play, you will be able to link all of them back to a valued role or vocation in our society. Construction, farming, policing, doctoring - you name it and the children likely play it.

This is relatively easy to harness and translate into doing the real thing, unless your attitude towards that job sucks. Kids love gardening, but if you grumble and moan every time a lawn needs mowing or a garden bed needs weeding, they will quickly pick up on the fact that these jobs are a real chore and should be avoided. Making gardening fun for children really is easy - you can incorporate lots of play.

For example, when Mrs W and I weed the children bring their dump trucks. We put the weeds into the dump trucks and they “drive” the weeds to feed to the chickens. Before long they generally go to “their own spot” to get “their own weeds” to take to the chickens.

3- Involve them

This is a hard one for lots of people, and I understand why. Most hold a day job away from home. When you get home you're tired, maybe stressed. Possibly grumpy. You have a list of jobs to get done to keep the wheels turning and taking along your young children is going to make the job slower, messier and just a bit more painful.

Take a breath and realise that this is life, and it's the good bits. 

In our culture children are looked at as liabilities.

“We can't afford them”

“I'm too busy because of the kids”

There are many reasons for this and I've blogged about this poverty mindset virus before. It doesn't have to be the case. 

A young child that has had good modelling will be helpful and capable much earlier than you think.

A 3 year old can unstack the dishwasher.

A 2 year old can tidy up their toys.

A 4 year old can put washing in the clothes line, and sort it into family member piles when they bring it in.

A 6 year old can feed the pigs, collect & grade the eggs and fill the chicken water and feed.

A 5 year old can cook themselves and their siblings a hot breakfast. 

Obviously all children have different temperaments and abilities, but we have found a child over 4 to be exceptionally capable and useful around the house.

4- Meet them at their level

Your young child helping to hang out the washing won't be able to throw a doona over the line. Socks and jocks will do.

Weeding through the heat of the day for hours won't be possible with young children.

Unstacking mum's fine china from the dishwasher is probably not the required task for someone still earning their stripes.

If dad is doing some construction, the kids can pass dad tools.

(Often when I'm building something my kids set up next to me and make things out of scraps. More mess, and I'm always hunting for tools, but it's lovely)

Just about every job can be toned down and crafted to suit any age. It'll take longer and probably won't be done as well, but it'll be done. They'll get better and faster, and thrive in the accomplishment of their tasks.

5- Let them make mess (and mistakes)

When Esme (2) helps to unstack the dishwasher she hands us the crockery and cutlery 1 item at a time. This is tedious and I could take all the cutlery in 2 handfuls and put it away.

But she wants to be involved, so she is.

She is now wanting to level up and isn't always satisfied with just unpacking and handing the item off, she wants to place the pieces away too.

She grabs a pair of tongues and puts it in the wrong drawer. She puts tubbaware with the dinner plates.

At the early stages of helping, I never scold and I let them feel like they are doing it right. 

I quickly clean up behind her without her noticing and make the job fun for her.

If they keep getting told they are doing it wrong and can't figure it out, they will quickly lose interest.

6- Praise, praise, praise (caution, but rarely scold)

“Good job darling! Now go get another spoon!” Is what I would say to Esme if she just unpacked a spoon and put it in the drawer with our peelers and measuring cups.

If she starts putting clean items into a dirty sink I'd gently steer her away.

This may sound counter productive but the first few helps are crucial and you really want to make it fun and build in loads of positive reinforcement.

All of the children have dropped whole trays of eggs while helping collect eggs. 

I've never barked at a 2 year old for doing this. They will often be hard enough on themselves - usually the right course of action is a cuddle and telling them that it's OK.

I would only scold if their behaviour puts them, someone else or certain property at risk.

Be quick, don't hold a grudge, give them a cuddle and encourage them back into the task telling them how fabulously they were doing. 

PS: We don't pay our children for doing chores that are essential to the running of the household. If they want to make money we will help them start a business in which they must keep a balance sheet.